So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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