someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
