Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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