i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
