we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
