Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
it was like eating out sand paper
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
