apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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