who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
