I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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