I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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