Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
