I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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