i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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