Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Sex in the backyard? Check.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
