I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
