i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
