Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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