I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
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