You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
