Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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