just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
