he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
