I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
