wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Randomize
