these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
