So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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