yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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