Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
