walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
