tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
