It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
