Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
