I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
