I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
