She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
