the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
you would pick up someone in the library
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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