I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
