ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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