Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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