We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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