dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
