At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
he just fucked me for my cheese..
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
