The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
