You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
