my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
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