oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
