If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
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