I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Randomize
