"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
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