Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Randomize
