so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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