I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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