But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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