Kareoke will never be a sober sport
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
