Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
